I feel like I'm under so much pressure right now, and I really don't know how to fix it. The wedding is over, it could not have gone better and the bride and groom both had a wonderful time, but I'm more stressed out than ever. The wedding was a distraction it helped to divert my attention and thus my stress.
Two part time jobs, constant studying, and working on applications/picking the schools I'm applying to. I haven't even picked all of the schools I'm applying to. My mother keeps pressuring me to quit one of my jobs, I'd love to quit one of my jobs, but I fear that while doing so would elevate some of my stress over not having enough time it would create new stress financially.
For almost a year I worked one part time job because I couldn't find either a) a full time job or b) another part time job with a schedule that would work around the job I already had. I finally found a second job last spring and it has been a huge relief financially because it has actually allowed me to put a little bit of money from each paycheck into savings. This is huge for me. See I'm living at home right now and working jobs that I have absolutely no passion for, and before I had my second job it was impossible to save any money, I was so frustrated. At least right now I may be unhappy, but I'm able to save money and that allows me to do things that I want to do every once in a while.
I'll be able to get more hours at my bookstore job over the holidays, but if this year is anything like last year those hours will significantly dry up in late January and then I'll be in the same position I was in last year at that time. One job making less than $100 a week. I would give anything to be able to quite my job at the wine store right now, but I know if I do the chances of me finding another job that will work with my book store schedule are slim to non so I'd be stuck yet again with only one job.
I just hate this I feel so trapped, just thinking about it makes me feel panicky and stressed.
If the businessmen drink my blood
ReplyDeleteLike the kids in art school said they would
Then I guess I'll just begin again
You say, "can we still be friends?"
If I was scared... I would
And if I was bored... you know I would
And if I was yours... but I'm not
All the kids have always known
That the emperor wears no clothes
But they bow to down to him anyway
It's better than being alone
If I was scared... I would
And if I was bored... you know I would
And if I was yours... but I'm not
Now you're knocking at my door
Saying please come out with us tonight
But I would rather be alone
Than pretend I feel alright
If the businessmen drink my blood
Like the kids in art school said they would
Then I guess I'll just begin again
You say, "can we still be friends?"
If I was scared... I would
And if I was pure... you know I would
And if I was yours... but I'm not
Now I'm ready to start
If I was scared... I would
And if I was pure... you know I would
And if I was yours... but I'm not
Now I'm ready to start
Now I'm ready to start
I would rather be wrong
Than live in the shadows of your song
My mind is open wide
And now I'm ready to start
Now I'm ready to start
My mind is open wide
And now I'm ready to start
And I'm sure you opened the door
To step out into the dark
Now I'm ready